How to do things the Chalarca way

Follow these instructions:

  1. Do what she says, when she says, and don’t ask questions.
  2. Do not use your initiative. She is not confused about what she wants so do not dare question her or, the horror!, think for yourself. Imbecile!
  3. Do not use periods on bullet points (I think, in her mind, they are the leading cause of cancer).
  4. Stop talking. Jesus Christ!
  5. Don’t ask for help - from her or anyone else including the Interwebs. Help is for the weak and incompetent (not an ironic bone in her body).
  6. Instead of “sharpening the saw,” take the “saw” and drive nails with it. Don’t argue.
  7. Pretend, with the most fake smile you can muster, she’s the smartest person in the room. If she smells competition her fragile ego will erupt and in the Black Book you’ll go alongside Al Capone and Nicky Santoro. When her ass remains unkissed she becomes dope sick.

Snipped from “The Seven Habits of Psychotic Management and Manipulation.”