Mad woman's excrement

Intoxicated with bad ideas, an overexcited Jackie sent, en masse, a rambling, obnoxious email on the hackneyed idea of improving “communication” (unironically the emphasis and quotes are hers). During her six-hour writing session her brain began to overheat:

There is a project to enhance education material and chances for the team to obtain CEU’s when applicable. Detail information will be provided as soon as the status per area is received.

Or this grotesqueness:

The [vendor] training was completed for the [teams]. [The vendor] is now dedicating resources to assist with our business needs. I encourage your attendance when needed since this has a direct impact to your related functions.

What’s wrong with:

We’ll be improving our education materials and offering CEUs.


[Vendor] training is complete. Further help is available as needed.

Is that so difficult? If you’re thinking “Ah, but you missed out…” That’s the point! I admit, there’s a time for bullshit and jargon - Tuesdays and Saturdays in my neighborhood.

Her ambition outweighs her talent. Dare to broach this with her; the streets will be covered with mad woman’s excrement.

If she would only learn to read, write, and speak properly and spare us the misery of watching her dribble all over herself. Have you ever noticed that the content of her lectures sounds like thunder trapped in a very small box trying to squeeze its way out like a hesitant fart?